A South African friend who used to be my co-nurse in Riyadh and who now works in the UK, sent me this funny email about nurses. This one made me laugh, realizing that some entries are true. Let me share this reality-check to all, especially to all the hard-working nurses out there. Enjoy!
You may be a nurse if…
You believe every patient needs TLC…Temazepam, Lorazepam and Chloropromazine
You would like to meet the inventor of the nursing buzzer system some night in a dark alley.
You believe not all patients are annoying, some are unconscious.
Your sense of humour gets more warped each year.
Your kids get their presents in TED stockings and hospital pillowcases…and their presents are wrapped with Micropore tape.
You know the phone number of every late night food delivery place by heart.
Almost everything seems funny…eventually.
You can identify different causes of diarrhoea by the smell of it.
Every time you walk you make a jingling noise because of all the keys, scissors and clamps in your pocket.
You can tell the pharmacist more about the medication they are dispensing than they know.
You refuse to watch ER/Casualty because it is too much like the real thing and triggers flashbacks or…your family refuses to let you watch ER/Casualty because you spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down x-rays.
You avoid answering your phone on your day off in case anyone from the hospital is trying to call and beg you to work.
You’ve been telling stories in a restaurant and made someone at the next table vomit.
You notice you are using even more 4 letter words than you did before you started nursing.
You’ve seriously considered catheterising your children before a long car journey.
Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least 4 of them on you. Most of them with the names of laxative companies on them.
You don’t get excited by blood unless it’s your own.
You live by the motto ‘to be right is only half the battle, to convince the doctor is more difficult.’
You’ve basted your Christmas turkey with a 50ml syringe.
You’ve told a confused patient that your name was that of a co-worker and to shout if they need help.
Eating chips out of a clean sick-bowl is perfectly acceptable.
Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago’s water tank.
When checking the level of a patient’s orientation you aren’t sure of the day yourself. Or if night shift, or of the month.
You find yourself checking out other customer’s veins in supermarket queues.
You can sleep soundly at the tea room table on your dinner break and are not embarrassed when you wake up.
You avoid unhealthy people in the shopping centre for fear they will drop dead near you and you’ll have to do CPR on your day off.
You throw a farewell buffet for a co-worker and use a bed sheet for a tablecloth and bedpans to hold the nachos.
You often stay awake for 24+hrs at a time when you work night shift and realise that you don’t need alcohol or drugs to hallucinate, just lack of sleep…
Your finger has gone into places you never thought possible.
You’ve seen more penises than any prostitute.
You’ve sworn to have ‘Do Not Resuscitate‘ tattooed on your chest…soon.
If you are not a nurse and have read this because of a friend who is, it’s just to help you understand our mindset and questionable mental state!