Missed call. Missed chances.

I am so depressed today. I have to write it down.

 

I missed that golden opportunity of finally seeing my son in the Philippines just because I was not able to answer my mobile yesterday morning.

 

We have a critically-ill Filipino patient in our unit, and for the last months, there has been a plan to send him back to the Philippines so he could retire there. He needed a nurse to accompany him on his flight going back to the country.

 

My co-nurses in the unit felt that, in case the patient will be transported, I can escort the patient going to the Philippines because they all know about my story of me having a son born after I came here. They sympathize with me, and although everyone wants to escort the patient because it’s a rare opportunity of going home to the Philippines for free, they gave way to me so that I will be able to see my first-born son.

 

I was out in the town yesterday evening buying some grocery when one of my co-nurses, X, called me and told me that the patient will be transported on Friday, but somebody else is escorting the patient. He asked me what was happening coz everybody knew that I was the one chosen to accompany the patient. I told him that nobody informed me about it. He said that our unit manager has arranged in the morning for the flight of my other colleague, Y.

 

X was so concerned that if I am not going with the patient, then he should be the one to transport the patient because they have some unwritten policy in the unit that Filipinos in the unit should take turns escorting a patient going to the Philippines. But since I have a reason for coming home, my co-nurses was giving way to me even if I am just a newcomer in the unit. X argued that Y should not be the one who should transport the patient because he was the last one who just recently escorted a patient going to the Philippines.

 

I told X that I do not know anything about the arrangements done in the morning. X said that he’ll speak to our unit manager and get back to me in the morning.

 

This morning, I called X. He said he was able to speak to our unit manager and he found out the story. Our UM was trying to call me in the morning because she knew that I was the one chosen to accompany the patient. But apparently, I was not picking up the phone. I was just home yesterday morning and I don’t know why I did not hear my mobile ringing. I was probably in the bathroom or in the kitchen. I saw the “missed call” sign later during the day but the number registered a landline I did not know from where.

 

And since our UM was in a hurry to get somebody because she needed the passport details of the person who’s going to accompany the patient, so they could book the plane tickets. She was unaware of the “escorting turns” policy so she just called Y, who gladly accepted the offer.

 

X was disappointed that Y accepted the offer without question, knowing the he just escorted a patient, and that he needs to give way to others who have not done it.  Anyways, that’s another side of the story.

 

After the phone conversations with X, I decided to call our UM. My call was not to insist myself that I should be the one to go with the patient. I called her to apologize for me missing her calls yesterday morning. She said she was sorry too.

 

It was a depressing morning for me. If I did not miss the call yesterday, I could have been the one escorting the patient on Friday. I could have been the one who’s going to the Philippines. It could have been my chance to see my family, especially my son. It could have been a rare opportunity to finally embrace my baby even for a short time.

 

But I missed that chance. I usually answer my phone calls and try not to miss them. So for me to miss a very important call was a rare instance.

 

For now, I just try to make myself believe that the trip was not meant for me. I guess I should do something to keep myself busy today, since I am still off and I am only working tomorrow evening. I do not want to dwell on these negative feelings.

 

I think I’ll just go to downtown and get myself a nice haircut 🙂