Archive for May 27th, 2008

27
May
08

Wally, The Gray Stuffed Mouse

17022008024 Dear Inigo,

 

Mom and I bought something for you two months ago. We actually turned Megamall upside down just to find this perfect gift for you. It wasn’t a big thing. It’s a stuffed animal we named Wally. He is a smiling gray mouse. We chose that kind of animal because you will be born in this year of the rat. His face is so pleasant, we actually smile and think of you and wish that you will like our very first gift to you.

 

We thought it would be nice if you get your first toy from us. I am sure our friends and relatives will be bringing you lots of toys when you come out. And so we had to buy early in order to beat them. I have actually written this story about Wally the day after we bought him, but i did not post it for some personal reasons.

 

There is something I want to tell you, Inigo. There is something important you need to know because I don’t want you to find this out later, and you will get mad with me. That is something I don’t want you to feel towards your father.

 

I may not be around on your big day. When you come out in July, and decide to join us in our world, you might not see your daddy amongst the first faces who will welcome you in the outside world.

 

I have taken a job offer to work abroad, an opportunity I have been eyeing since last year. I will work in a very good hospital, and the benefits are great. I passed the exams and interviews and I am just waiting for the final paper works. I thought your mommy could follow me there as soon as possible and she can deliver you there. But the plan did not materialize soon enough and now your mommy’s tummy is bigger and she will not be allowed anymore to board the plane. I also have to finish my first three months of probation there, before she can follow. So by computing the months, it has become definite that you will have to be born here. 

 

I will already be away when you will be born, Inigo. And it hurts a lot to me that I will not be around when you come out. They said that for first-time fathers, the unique feeling of seeing, touching and holding your baby for the first time is a 7th heaven. And it seems I won’t be experiencing that. It seems I will be missing that part of my fatherhood.

 

I am so sorry for this Inigo and I hope you will understand me in the future. I needed to grab this job opportunity because the package offer was one of the best deals I had, and I can’t afford to lose this one. I might not get it back. A lot of applicants did not make it in and I was very lucky to pass the very tight screening procedure and be chosen to work there.

 

I look at the practical side of life, and choose to be more realistic, than to be fuzzy over the day of your birth. Please don’t think that I don’t consider your day as special. The day that you will come out will be one of the most important days of my being a father. But I need to look beyond that date. I need to realize that after that great day, your needs will be more. I need to sacrifice that shining “father moment” of being beside you when you are born.

 

I look at your future, and I will not compromise that for my selfish feelings. I want the best for you, and I can do that if I will take this rare opportunity of working in that hospital.

 

I have been in and out of the country for seven years, but I have to admit that this time, when I have to leave the country again, will be the most difficult for me. And that is because of you and your mom. It is too painful for me to leave you both at this time.

 

Don’t worry, Inigo. My being away from you will just be temporary. When you are old enough to ride a plane, your mom will take you and bring you to where I will be working. Together, we will become a whole family again. And I promise to make it up to you.

 

And so now, when I try to speak next to your mommy’s tummy, try to remember my voice so you can recognize it when we see each other in another place. I will be waiting for you there. And don’t worry about not being able to recognize my face – I’ll be the one holding a gray stuffed mouse named Wally.

 

Love,

Dad




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