Today, I heard my parents talking over the phone about me. They said they need to bring me out today. Mom was scheduled for a caesarian section this afternoon so I could come out safely.

At 3pm mom was brought to the operating room. The doctors made a cut slowly into mom’s tummy until they finally saw me, and brought me out to this world! That was amazing!

The nurses gave my first bath and brought me to the nursery. I was placed in a small plastic crib which was later pushed near the glass window. On the other side of the window, I saw my relatives for the first time. They were all smiling. They seemed to be very happy with my arrival!

Thanks for the very warm welcome! I am so glad to see all of you!

I was still sleeping when my wife called me up around 6am from her OB’s clinic in the Philippines. They were 4 hours advance in my home country so it should be 10am there. She wanted me to talk to her doctor so I could ask her some details about the status of her pregnancy. We were expecting her delivery tomorrow and she was due for a check up today with her OB gyn.

Dra. Villanueva informed me that it seemed the baby would not fit into her pelvis and a caesarean section might be necessary. They could schedule her up this afternoon, instead of tomorrow, since tomorrow is a Sunday and it would cost us a bit more if it will be done on that day.

I agreed on her suggestions, and Didith’s voice over the phone seemed like she was all ready and prepared. She was scheduled for the operation at 3pm (11am UAE). She was admitted after her clinic check up and was prepared for surgery.

I tried to go back to sleep since I have had only a few hours of sleep before I got the call. My son entered into my dreams, and I dreamt of having him in my arms. I was with my wife and we were in my parents’ house in Bulacan. Suddenly, may baby disappeared from where I laid him, and that was the time I got awakened. I knew that the subconscious mind works when we sleep, and it has picked up a sense of fear in my inner being. Who would not be? My wife is undergoing a major surgery.

30 minutes before the scheduled surgery, I called my wife using my mobile and gave her some moral support. I knew that’s the most I can make being away from her at this time, when most fathers-to-be are at their wife’s bedside.

I was working a night shift in the evening, but I knew I would not be able to sleep in this situation. On my next call, my sister told me she was already in the operating room. It felt as if my hands were caught in chains and I could not do much. I am a medical professional but I am away for my wife’s medical situation.

Like her surgery last March, I started sending text messages to everybody on my cell’s contacts. My message read: Hi po. My wife Didith is in OR right now undergoing Caesarian Section. Please pray for her. It was overwhelming to receive text replies, and even calls from friends who gave very encouraging words.

It was almost 1pm here when I got a call from my sister, and she announced that the baby was out already. He was a healthy 7-pound baby with long limbs as my wife’s! My sister tried to describe my son as I tried to imagine what he looks like. She said he looks like me. He had a fair skin and very red lips. She was standing in front of the nursery window as she vividly described my baby’s features on the phone. I envied her, and wished I was the one looking at my precious child.

My wife was still inside OR that time. I wondered if she has seen our baby. I knew she would forget all the pains once she sees our child.

My cousin was fast trying to send pictures of my baby. When I opened my yahoo, I saw my son for the first time and it felt the most wonderful of all the emotions. I was teary eyed as I looked each and every pictures of him. He is the small me!

My sister later on called again to inform that my wife has come out from surgery and is now resting in her room. It was a big relief knowing my wife is safe, and my baby is out healthy.

I will be working tonight, and though I haven’t slept during the day, I knew that I was charged with a powerful energy within my veins. I will be working carrying a different perspective in life.

Aside from digital catharsis, I am also managing three other sites. Some has known the sites through my link in this page’s blogroll. But for some who have not visited my other blog spaces, allow me to introduce these very cool sites. Just click the titles to link you to the sites:

Iñigo’s First Journal – This site was born during the time when my wife started conceiving our first baby. I felt that a new individual is starting to grow, and that he might have some things to say, that he just can’t put into words at the moment. The father-to-be takes the baby’s point of view in this very special story of a baby’s growth starting from his being a fetus.

Nelsondidith.com – A dear friend bought us this website as a wedding and valentine gift. This site is a picture story of our marriage, and the people around us. I think it’s a very nice way of sharing a life full of love, courage and inspiration.

Sentimental Journey – I initially made this site a second version of digital catharsis, until I recently changed the blog’s theme to a more interesting level. It has now become a nursing blog where most stories are my real-life experiences and struggles as a nurse.  I draw inspiration from my work, my colleagues, and my patients.

Today, I had to deal the dilemma of me being an experienced neurosurgery nurse, working in a general surgery unit. I worked in an ER and neurosurgery environment for the last seven years, and I knew that I would be faced to deal with some unfamiliar cases in a new work place.

I had a patient with a colostomy. Well, it may sound so simple for some general surgery nurses out there, but it was a big deal for me. It’s not that it was my first time, because I have had several patients with a colostomy. But it was my first time in several years to actually perform colostomy care – to actually touch and clean the stoma.

I was busy with another patient when I heard somebody screaming. When I looked out of my patient’s room, I saw one of my co-nurses coming out from one of my patient’s room. She asked me if the patient in room x is my patient, so I told him yes and asked her what’s wrong. She said the patient was complaining because he was yelling for an hour already and nobody is coming for him.

Since I was finished with my current patient, I decided to check the complaining patient out. I went to his room and I was welcomed with some more yelling. I asked him if he was pressing the bell since that is the proper way of calling a nurse. He said he did but it seemed the bell was not working.

I investigated further, and found out that the bell cord was not attached to the plug. So that was the reason nobody was coming to him. I was successful in trying to pacify him. I asked him what he needed and found out that his colostomy leaked up to his back. He said he was trying to open his colostomy because he felt it was full of air. When he opened it, he got surprised with the contents and everything leaked out and went to his clothes and sheets.

My patient had a colorectal cancer and the surgeons tried to remove the cancerous part of his large intestines. A new opening was made on the left side of his abdomen where his stool can come out, and will be drained to a pouch called colostomy bag.

I checked what I needed to clean him, and after that I told him I need to get some things in the stockroom. When I got into the stockroom, I took some fresh linens, pads, cleaning wipes and saline. To my horror, I found that there were different sizes of colostomy bag. How would I know which one is for my patient? I decided to just bring one from each of the different sizes. I thought it would be safe since I do not have to come back if one size fails.

When I went back to my patient’s room, I checked his colostomy so I could choose which size of bag I would need. To my surprise, none among those I brought were the same as my patient’s. I needed the biggest size which seemed not available because I did not find that size before. I knew I took one sample from each of the sizes I saw.

I went back to the stockroom and searched for the largest size. I did not find any, so I asked one of my seniors. He helped me search until he finally said it was probably out of stock.

I decided to go to another ward and asked for that size. I knew that every minute counts for my patient who was irritable initially. I found the size from another surgical unit and hurriedly went back to my patient.

When I got into my patient’s room, I was greeted by a frown. I explained to him why it took me a bit long to come back, that I needed to get his size from another unit. He seemed dissatisfied with my explanations, so I just tried my best to talk to him nicely.

I detached the old pouch from where it was connected. I placed it in the bathroom since I wanted to save the wire that closes the pouch at the end. I cleansed his stoma with normal saline. After cleaning, I tried to attach the new pouch to the connector. It seemed I could not connect it. It was either I was doing it the wrong way, or I just do not know what I was doing.

While I was trying to attach it, I tried to converse to him to try divert his attention from what I was doing. I explained to him some facts about colostomy, and how to take care of it. I was posing to be a pro with what I was doing, when deep inside, I knew I could not connect the bag. It was hurting him when I pressed harder on the pouch lid.

I then decided to ask help from a co-nurse. God probably heard my heart beating fast, and gave me a colleague just passing by my patient’s door! I asked her to help me attach the colostomy bag. She told me how to do it and watched me do it. It was the same technique as what I was doing before. But she also felt it was difficult doing it that way so she suggested for me to just remove the part that was attached to the skin, and apply a new one. The adhesive part that was touching the skin and the bag should already be connected before sticking it to the skin.

I actually thought of that, but I knew it was the harder way of changing the bag. But now, it seemed there was no other way but to do it that way.

I was successful in applying a new bag on him. I went back to the bathroom and took the wire from the old bag. It was heavily stained with stool so I just tried to clean it. I closed his colostomy bag using that wire.

I wiped him a bit, and brought him to the bathroom after that. I changed his gown and placed new linens on his bed. His mood has changed, and was apologetic about his attitude a while ago. I told him it was pretty understandable for him to get mad in his situation. I left him clean and satisfied with what I have done for him.

In the evening, before I left the unit, I checked him out in his room. He was with his family, and I was introduced to them. I told him that my shift is over and that I was leaving. He asked who’s replacing me, but I was not sure who’s taking care of him next. I saw in his face that he still wanted me to stay for him.

Before I left, he said smilingly “See you on Sunday!”.

It’s my birthday on the 28^th. So whether you like it or not, I am going to talk about myself, and nothing but myself today! So here goes 100 things about myself. I had a lot of fun writing it, so I hope you have fun reading it, too.

1. My name is Nelson.
2. Relatives call me Bobot.
3. I was once called Tuesday and Chuchu.
4. I’m the second to the eldest.
5. I have two younger brothers
6. and my sister is the eldest.
7. I grew up in Bulacan
8. and studied there too.
9. I hated bullies as a child.
10. I licked slippers when I was a toddler.
11. I look up to my father.
12. I admire my mother.
13. We were very poor before.
14. I worked my way to college.
15. So that means I have been working since I was 17.
16. I worked as an office assistant
17. and caretaker of a small library.
18. I competed in drawing contests.
19. I can still draw today, but I have no use of my talent right now.
20. I was a cartoonist in our high school paper.
21. As a child, I wished I was a comics writer and illustrator.
22. So I made my own comics using bond paper.
23. I also competed in declamation contests in elementary
24. and oratorical tilts in college.
25. I performed in a stage play before
26. and played the role of a bitch’s younger bro.
27. I feel sad realizing that the guy who alternately takes my role in that play died last year.
28. I like to sing
29. but I’m not a really good singer though.
30. I love videooke.
31. I’m a registered nurse.
32. I’m also a USRN.
33. I was once a private nurse,
34. ER nurse,
35. and neurosurgery nurse.
36. I was a nursing clinical instructor.
37. I was a local board exam review lecturer.
38. I worked seven years in Saudi Arabia and now I’m in UAE.
39. I like the high of riding in a speeding ambulance.
40. I need to cry when my patient dies.
41. But I do it where nobody can see me.
42. I can organize parties.
43. I can cook a bit.
44. My specialty is spaghetti.
45. And it’s my favorite dish too.
46. I like Italian food.
47. I’m allergic to seafood.
48. I like galaxy chocolates.
49. and moist chocolate cakes.
50. and cinnamon rolls.
51. Iced tea is my favorite drink.
52. I like coke, too but I’m trying to avoid soft drinks lately.
53. Superbowl restaurant is the best for me.
54. I play table tennis
55. But the last time I played was very long time ago.
56. I tried Aikido before.
57. I met my wife when we were 10 years old.
58. but we only got married when we were 32.
59. I am married to a civil engineer (and yup, I’m the nurse… not the other way around).
60. I am going to be a father soon.
61. I think first-time fathers are the most excited people in the world.
62. I always dream about how my baby will look like.
63. I enjoy staying in huge toy shops.
64. I want to give the best for my child.
65. I like to window shop
66. I dream a lot.
67. I might be in the US soon.
68. I treasure good friends.
69. I like people who can think of jokes very fast.
70. I love stand-up comedians.
71. I wish I can fly.
72. I am not into material things.
73. I value time.
74. I am not afraid to die
75. But I am afraid to lose a loved one.
76. I have never tried illegal drugs.
77. But I can inject a drug on myself using a butterfly needle.
78. I’ve done that for therapeutic drugs.
79. I’m a social drinker only.
80. I don’t smoke.
81. I’m not into pets.
82. Navy blue is my favorite color.
83. I want to give a poor deserving child a scholarship if I have the money.
84. I want to write a book
85. but I can’t think of anything to write about.
86. I love the internet.
87. I can spend the whole day without eating just surfing the net.
88. My favorite animation hero is Jin of Tekken.
89. He’s my friendster background theme
90. If I’ll have a tattoo on me, I’ll put Marvin the Martian on my back.
91. I like collecting things
92. I collected stamps, and key chain holders.
93. My weird collection included restaurant tissues, clothes tags, and chocolate wrappers.
94. I will only collect something that I don’t need to buy.
95. I took a video of myself posing like a ramp model last year.
96. It’s so funny but I hate watching it now.
97. I wish I can direct a film, but I know it is a very difficult job.
98. I wish I have more computer knowledge.
99. I wear contacts.

100. I love myself.

A year ago on this day, I was waiting at the altar for my bride to come. When she finally came in, flowers came falling down from the heavens. She walked down the aisle while the enchanting music of Lea Salonga’s “Two Words” was playing. Our guests in the church just looked at her in complete astonishment. Didith was a perfect bride.

People started shedding tears, and there were goose bumps all around. I saw smiles and happiness. Witnessing that, I felt an overwhelming feeling of euphoria, knowing that the people around us were happy to see us come to this point.

As I stood there watching as my lady walked towards me, I thought I was going to faint, as I was showered with all the nicest of emotions, that my heart cannot contain anymore. I was a very proud groom.

Looking back, I realized how much we have grown over the year, and that there is still so much ahead of us.

Today is our very first wedding anniversary.

Today was my very first Fathers Day. No other Fathers Day will be quite like this one for me. Not only is it my first one, it is the only one (so far, at least) in which I am a father but cannot see my child or at least know what he looks like.

Right now, I am thousand miles away from my wife and baby. It saddens me to realize that I am here in this far away land, because I wanted to give the best for my child. I want him to come out in this world with all the comfort he needs as he grow up.

Eager and unhesitating as I am to welcome the baby into the world with arms open wide with love, it sometimes is a little hard to suppress the feeling that I would have liked a little more time to discover what it is to be a husband and newlywed first. Then I would not have decided to leave the country in the early stages of our marriage to work abroad. But we would never, ever get rid of the baby and question God’s timing in sending our baby to us.

It also helps me to overcome these thoughts when I think about a little face that resembles us looking up and smiling. When I think of that miracle, I know that I’m glad to give up the pleasures of a life without the responsibilities of parenthood. I am also helped by the notion that God has ordained that a new life should be entrusted to us now. Who am I to question His gift to us? So many couples can never have children at all and want them desperately, while others have a very difficult time having babies. I’m thankful we don’t face such hardships.

It is hard to imagine a role of more fundamental importance than simple parenthood. I feel that being a father is a fulfillment of a destiny.

Happy Fathers Day to all the fathers out there.

It’s Friday, but most offices are already closed today. Friday here is the equivalent of a Saturday back home. And so Saturday here is the Sunday I know. Here, everybody goes back to work on a Sunday, because that’s their Monday! Yup, I am in another world!

Welcome to the United Arab Emirates! It has been nine days now since I arrived in this foreign land to start a new adventure overseas. It was an eight-hour flight from Manila. There were 22 others on-board who were also joining Tawam Hospital. After landing in Dubai, we had a two-hour road trip to Al Ain via shuttle bus.

When we reached our housing compound, each of us were brought to our respective flats, as each one will be having their own units.

I was just amazed by the accommodation that they provided for us! My unit had a huge living room, dining area, bedroom, kitchen and a spacious bathroom! And it was completely furnished! It’s like a condo unit back home. The fridge had some food inside already, and there were new towels and kitchen utensils. This was a very warm welcome.

The next few days was spent basically on orientation sessions. There were lots of lectures and trainings that our group attended. We had a lot of written and practical exams that was really mind-draining.

We had some tour of the city, which included visits to some malls, museums and other important landmarks.

The city of Al Ain is a very progressive community in UAE, and is billed as the Garden City, for its year-round temperate climate, beautiful scenery, and abundant greenery. There were lots of trees that were obviously planted on soil that were made to become rich. Water was distributed thoughout that vegetation through a hose system under and sometimes on the ground. No wonder the plants were all green and flowery.

Al Ain is more conservative than Dubai and Abu Dhabi, so most people here still wear the traditional clothes. It’s a quite place and the traffic is not that much. I found the people here very friendly.

Tawam Hospital is a 468-bedded tertiary center located in Al Ain, and is considered one of the best hospitals in the UAE. The hospital is in affiliation with, and managed by John Hopkins Medicine which is #1 ranked U.S. Hospital. The institution also has the distinction of being a Joint Commission International (JCI) accredited hospital.

I have seen a lot of the hospital’s state of the art faciltites, and is completely amazed by the management’s drive to excellence in health care.

I hope to enjoy my stay here. I will be working in the Surgery Unit and I’ll be starting on Monday. I heard it’s a very busy ward so I am expecting a heavy week ahead. So having said that, let me enjoy the rest of the weekend!

Cheers! 

Yup, it’s time to go.

I did not have any effort packing my things. I was used to filling up a luggage in a jiffy. When I leave for abroad, I usually do my packing just few hours from the flight and did not have any problems with that.

It was half past six in the evening when we left our house in Bulacan. My family was complete in the car, with my brother-in-law on the wheels. We had to pick up my wife in our unit in Ortigas, so she could join the entourage.

The time has come when I have to face the consequences of the decision I made. I knew this moment will come – when I had to say my goodbyes, and leave my kisses to my loved ones.

The scene at the airport was one moment I will never forget. I felt the tensed atmosphere as I saw everybody holding up their tears. And after I kissed my wife goodbye, I had to hurry up walking away from her, as I became teary-eyed myself. It was the saddest moment.

I knew my wife needed my support at this time of her pregnancy, and I knew that my baby would need my care after he comes out. But yes, I am leaving them at this time. It was not a good idea, but I knew staying would not be a better option either.

I walked fast towards the airport entrance. I did not want to look back for I knew it would not help me control my emotions. At the boarding gate waiting area, the scene kept repeating in my mind until my brains got tired, my eyes got swollen, and my feelings numbed.