Wally, The Gray Stuffed Mouse

Dear Inigo,

 

Mom and I bought something for you two months ago. We actually turned Megamall upside down just to find this perfect gift for you. It wasn’t a big thing. It’s a stuffed animal we named Wally. He is a smiling gray mouse. We chose that kind of animal because you will be born in this year of the rat. His face is so pleasant, we actually smile and think of you and wish that you will like our very first gift to you.

 

We thought it would be nice if you get your first toy from us. I am sure our friends and relatives will be bringing you lots of toys when you come out. And so we had to buy early in order to beat them. I have actually written this story about Wally the day after we bought him, but i did not post it for some personal reasons.

 

There is something I want to tell you, Inigo. There is something important you need to know because I don’t want you to find this out later, and you will get mad with me. That is something I don’t want you to feel towards your father.

 

I may not be around on your big day. When you come out in July, and decide to join us in our world, you might not see your daddy amongst the first faces who will welcome you in the outside world.

 

I have taken a job offer to work abroad, an opportunity I have been eyeing since last year. I will work in a very good hospital, and the benefits are great. I passed the exams and interviews and I am just waiting for the final paper works. I thought your mommy could follow me there as soon as possible and she can deliver you there. But the plan did not materialize soon enough and now your mommy’s tummy is bigger and she will not be allowed anymore to board the plane. I also have to finish my first three months of probation there, before she can follow. So by computing the months, it has become definite that you will have to be born here. 

 

I will already be away when you will be born, Inigo. And it hurts a lot to me that I will not be around when you come out. They said that for first-time fathers, the unique feeling of seeing, touching and holding your baby for the first time is a 7^th heaven. And it seems I won’t be experiencing that. It seems I will be missing that part of my fatherhood.

 

I am so sorry for this Inigo and I hope you will understand me in the future. I needed to grab this job opportunity because the package offer was one of the best deals I had, and I can’t afford to lose this one. I might not get it back. A lot of applicants did not make it in and I was very lucky to pass the very tight screening procedure and be chosen to work there.

 

I look at the practical side of life, and choose to be more realistic, than to be fuzzy over the day of your birth. Please don’t think that I don’t consider your day as special. The day that you will come out will be one of the most important days of my being a father. But I need to look beyond that date. I need to realize that after that great day, your needs will be more. I need to sacrifice that shining “father moment” of being beside you when you are born.

 

I look at your future, and I will not compromise that for my selfish feelings. I want the best for you, and I can do that if I will take this rare opportunity of working in that hospital.

 

I have been in and out of the country for seven years, but I have to admit that this time, when I have to leave the country again, will be the most difficult for me. And that is because of you and your mom. It is too painful for me to leave you both at this time.

 

Don’t worry, Inigo. My being away from you will just be temporary. When you are old enough to ride a plane, your mom will take you and bring you to where I will be working. Together, we will become a whole family again. And I promise to make it up to you.

 

And so now, when I try to speak next to your mommy’s tummy, try to remember my voice so you can recognize it when we see each other in another place. I will be waiting for you there. And don’t worry about not being able to recognize my face – I’ll be the one holding a gray stuffed mouse named Wally.

 

Love,

Dad

The Year That Was

Last May 2007, I arrived in the Philippines after resigning from my work in the Middle East. I spent seven long years there. I visited my motherland two to three times a year though, but I usually stayed only for about a month. Deciding to come home and stay here for a while was a major decision then. I knew I will be facing another chapter in my life. 

Looking back, I realized I have been here in the country for more than a year now. This is my longest 365 days in seven years. And I can say, I have done a lot more in my life than when I was abroad.

 After arriving in the country last year, Didith and I started preparing for our planned wedding. We only had about a month until the wedding date, but the vigorous preparations paid off. We were very much satisfied with how the wedding turned out. It was one of the grandest day in my life.

 We moved to our new home in AntipoloCity and started living a happy married life. We bought a lot of new furniture and made a lot of fixtures for our love nest. 

 Shortly after the wedding, I was called to start teaching in the nursing school where I graduated from. Being a clinical instructor was a new career for me. I initially thought I am not the teacher-type. But then, after taking the job, I started to like it, and found teaching in the hospital setting a very rewarding job. I worked in different hospitals in Bulacan and followed up third and fourth year nursing students who were taking up their clinical affiliations.

 Another new twist in my nursing profession was when I got a post for being a Nurse Lecturer for students who were reviewing for the local board exams. I also thought that public speaking is not my cup of tea. But after speaking with audiences of about 200, I was able to contain my stage fright. I have composed my self-confidence. Another good thing about this was that I was able to travel to different provinces for free.

 I started my website in October. Blogging was a whole new idea to me. It made me discover a lot of things about myself and the people around me. It has become an outlet for my inner self. Aside from this blog, I am also managing two other blogsites – iñigo’s first journal and nelsondidith.com.

 The news that my wife was conceiving our first baby made November my best month of the year. Realizing that I was going to be a father soon gave a new meaning to my existence. I knew I was evolving to a new and more mature individual. The plans I had set for my self has become plans I had set for my new family.

December was a great time for me. It was my first Christmas in the Philippines for several years and my first Christmas with my new family. I attended some parties and also helped organized one of the best Bautista clan reunions. 

My wife was operated on her ovaries while carrying our baby last March. It was good to be at her side during these times. She recovered well and has gone back to work.

 When I resigned from my work in the Middle East last year, I had strange thoughts of how it will be like to work and live again in the Philippines. But now, I would say, I have no regrets. The last twelve months of my life has been one of the best years in my life. It is this year when I finally grew up.

Sad to say, I am leaving again very soon. It is a difficult decision but I know that this is for the best interest of my family. Leaving has become more difficult after experiencing the best timesof  my life here in the country. But then, life has to go on. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Worried Over Elevated SGPT

 

I submitted myself for a routine medical exam last Wednesday. Blood tests, x-rays, physical, eye and dental exams were done. I knew I was completely healthy, except that I was worried about my x-rays – that they might see something there because I have been having on and off cough and colds, due to weather changes. I also did not get my annual dose of flu vaccine last year.

 

I got the results today (after two days), and surprisingly, they found something else, instead of abnormal x-ray findings. They found that my serum SGPT is elevated. How much, that I have to clear tomorrow to the doctor. I was informed on the phone that I have to see the doctor so she can prescribe something for this problem.

 

As a medical professional, I know I should not get worried about it because I know it is something that can be treated. But to be honest, I got really worried. First, something is wrong with my body. Second, I might be rejected from the job I am applying.

 

Serum Glutamic Pyruvic Transaminase (SGPT also known as Alanine Aminotransferase or ALT) is an enzyme that is normally found in the liver, but not exclusively. It is released into the blood during liver damage, so it is more or less a very good indicator of liver status.

 

The first thing that comes into my mind when SGPT is elevated is Hepatitis, especially viral. But then my blood tests included hepatitis screening, and I scored negative there. So I erase hepatitis from the list of possible culprits.

 

One cause of liver damage is alcoholism. But then I really don’t drink a lot. The last time I had alcohol was about middle of last month when my barkada fetched me from the airport, after my trip in Bacolod and Iloilo. We headed straight to a bar in Bulacan with some other friends before I went home. And I only had about three to four bottles of Lights. So I don’t think that I am that alcoholic for my SGPT to go up.

 

There are two possible causes of elevated SGPT which I believe could be related in my case. One is obesity, which can cause a fatty liver. The other one is chronic medication use.

 

I don’t think that I am that obese to make my SGPT shoot up, but I think I have been eating a lot of fatty foods lately which could have caused my liver to become fatty. A 24-hour recall of my dietary intake would really suggest a very poor dietary intake. Last night, I had fried chicken for dinner. I had longganisa with fried rice for breakfast this morning. And I had pork barbeque with java rice for lunch a while ago. It is just now I am realizing that I have been eating the wrong stuff!

 

Add to that, I have stopped going to the gym since late last year. A combination of lack of exercise and poor food choices could lead to a fatty liver.

 

Another factor that could have caused my elevated SGPT is my chronic medication use for the last few months due to on and off cough and colds. I initially treated myself with a self medication of antibiotics. When that did not work, I went to The Medical City for consultation. I was then subjected for two rounds of antibiotics, plus other cough medications. I have stopped taking those medications though, as I am only having my usual multivitamins and a supplemental dose of vitamin C.

 

Well, I can only wonder what really caused my present problem, till I see the doctor tomorrow. But starting this very moment, I think I should look after my health in a different perspective.

 

Maybe you should, too.

 

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FOOTNOTE:

17 May 08 - I got to speak to the doctor. She also suspects fatty liver. She suggested for me to take Essentiale three times a day, and a low fat diet. I will repeat the blood test in a week. Good luck to me!

 

 

What can I give my Nanay?

What can I give my nanay who’s given me so much?

 

I know there’s been a lot

of give-and-take

in our relationship.

Mostly it’s been you giving

and me taking

Now that I’m grown, though,

I’m trying to do

my share of the giving.

It’s harder than I thought

it would be –

 

What do you give someone

who has given you everything?

Maybe the same things you gave me.

A hand to hold.

A hug whenever you need one.

A heart that knows

what you mean without

you having to say a word.

Whatever you need – it’s all yours.

Because you dedicated your life to me,

I return back by making sure

I will always be there for you, too.

 

Happy Mother’s Day po.

 

 

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There are four mothers in my life today.

 

1.  MY NANAY – My biological nanay never got tired taking care of me and my siblings. When I was with her and was just growing up, I took for granted the things that she did for us. But working abroad and away from home made me realize how much my mother has been doing for us to live a comfortable life. To her I owe the biggest part of who I am today.

 

2.  NANAY REMY – Nanay Remy is my mother-in-law. I can see from my wife and my wife’s siblings that they were all taken cared of. I am proud to have her as a new parent.

 

3.  MA’AM O. – Ma’am O was my college English professor who has now become a friend and a second mother. She has inspired me with her words of wisdom. She is somebody I will never forget.

 

4.  MY WIFE – This will be the first and only mother’s day when she is already a mother, but she cannot see her child yet. But I can already see how she takes the role of a mother while nurturing our baby inside her womb. I am so happy knowing Inigo will be well-taken cared of. I am so glad to have her as my son’s mother.

 

I am so blessed to have them in my life.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there.