Please help me pray…

 My wife and I visited our OB-Gyne last December 22 for our 2^nd prenatal check up. We arrived a few minutes before the appointment time. Little that we knew that our visit that day would change how we live our everyday life. 

The doctor initially used the doppler to check for the heart tone. She was surprised by how loud the heartbeat was being heard, in relation to the baby’s age. My heart jumped with joy as I heard the first sounds coming from my angel, as if he was telling me “hey dad, I’m here!”.

The doctor then requested an ultrasound scan using a screen. We got excited with the idea of seeing our baby for the first time. After the probe was placed, the screen showed images of the small baby, with the head and trunk clearly visible. I felt happiness from within, and I even got more excited to see my baby in person. 

The radiologist wrote his diagnosis and explained that he found some bleed from inside and that the placenta was low-lying. He said that the bleed could resolve on its own. But the position of the placenta is a concern.

We then decided to bring the results to our OB-Gyne. She saw the ultrasound pictures and suggested to my wife that she take a month leave from her work. She explained that the baby is not in a good situation and that rest is a necessity in order for the pregnancy to continue. The bleed from inside could progress if my wife continues her daily travels to work and back home. 

I knew from the doctor’s advice that we could lose our angel if we do not take precautionary measures. And that all our joys and excitement could disappear in an instant. 

My wife has now taken her leave, and we are taking all the necessary measures in order not to stress the pregnancy. I try to do most of the household chores for her and I make sure she is taking all her medications. But even if I do everything, I know that it is nothing compared as to what my wife is doing for our baby. Her carrying and taking care of herself for the baby is more difficult than whatever I am doing for this situation. 

I know that only God has the authority to choose who lives and who does not, who will be born and who will not be born. So I pray hard everyday to ask God to keep eyeing on my little guy, and that He help my wife with carrying him. I would understand if this is His way of making me understand how difficult fatherhood is, but I just want Him to make the two safe. 

And so, guys,  I need you in this matter. I need your prayers for my wife to avoid a complicated pregnancy. I need your prayers for my little angel to be born healthy. I need your prayers for us to be able to withstand these trials.

Help me hang unto the greatest gift I can possibly receive. 

I MOVED!!

Hello everyone! I moved to another domain – http://digitalcatharsis.wordpress.com

I have transferred all my posts there. I hope that you will still continue reading my blog in its new home. And I hope you update your bookmarks and blogrolls so that you will automatically be linked to the new address.

Thank you!!!

My Reflection for Christmas

It is barely a week before Christmas.

I was trying to wrap some gifts this morning, while watching the early morning show, Umagang Kay Ganda, when the news about the fire in Pasay City hit me. Around 250 families were left homeless after the blaze destroyed a squatter’s area in the said city yesterday afternoon. What struck me further was when the fire victims were interviewed, and appealed for some basic stuff for them to be able to live decently – water, food, banig, blankets and used clothes.

My heart just sank watching a young couple embracing and comforting each other while looking at their burning house. An old lady was teary-eyed as she told the reporter that she has nowhere else to go. The children were hungry.

What if this unfortunate event happens to us (knock on wood!)? And it is barely a week before Christmas…

Just last week, I wrote my last post about the many blessings I received this year. I tried counting the wonderful gifts from God, and I found it difficult to stop counting after I realized that I was indeed blessed with countless miracles. But then, after enumerating and appreciating all these blessings, where do I go next?

Sometimes we tend to complain about the holiday season. There is so much traffic. It is difficult to get a ride. The malls are so crowded. The schedules are so hectic because of the number of Christmas parties that need to be attended. New clothes need to be bought for the occasion. Etcetera etcetera.

The fire yesterday in Pasay City made me reflect on my blessings – that I should not merely count them, that I should not just appreciate them and thank the Lord for them. I think I should open my eyes wider and look at the people around me. Not everyone is as blessed as I do, and some does not even have the most basic stuff that I am enjoying. I am sitting here at the comfort of our living room, on the carpet watching tv and at the same time typing on my laptop drinking coffee – while there are people outside whose stomach are crowing.

I saw some aetas asking for some alms along the busy roads of Meycauayan – they do not have a decent place to sleep in. Some of my patients might not even get out of the hospital in time for Christmas. My work colleagues in Riyadh who did not get to come home this December are surely missing their families. Some of my friends who lost their loved ones this year, will surely be having a not so joyful Christmas. Carlo Cruz, who lost his wife in the Glorietta 2 blast, will be longing for the warm company of a spouse this cold holiday season.

I know I cannot change the world, and I cannot make every living creature in this place comfortable. But I think it would help if I start in myself being contented in what I have, and stop whining about little things. The world is not perfect and not everybody gets a very good life. I am lucky to be alive, with all the wonderful blessings around me. I may not get all that I wanted in this life, but I am getting what I needed. I think that is more important.

The holiday season is a time to share our blessings with the less fortunate – not just the poor – but to those who might be needing other than physical gifts. Some might be needing just a simple company, or somebody whom they can talk to. Some might need a hug and be reassured that things are going to be okay.

Let us, in our own simple ways, contribute in putting up smiles this Christmas season. Share a piece of yourself, a piece of your blessings.

Have a blessed Christmas.

51 Blessings of 2007 (and still counting…)

Year 2007 is one of the best years in my entire life so far. It is this year when I was showered by so much blessings and I thank the Lord for all of them. I’d like to enumerate them and I hope you enjoy reading, as much as I enjoyed counting them.

            

1. 1.  Stronger Faith – I worked in Saudi Arabia for several years, and as we all know, the practice of Christian religion is not allowed there. That did not diminish my faith, though, but it has somehow made me miss my church. After I came back to the Philippines, I restarted hearing Sunday masses again.
2. My wife – I never knew that life will be this good after we started living together. She is now the reason of my existence.
3. My parents – They never got tired caring for me.
4. My siblings – It is this year when I got to make some real bonding with them.
5. Nicole and RJ – My darling pamangkins! They make me happy with their cute antics.
6. Relatives – I never knew we are such a very jolly clan.
7. The Gregorios – My in-laws. Thank you for the warm welcome.
8. Our dream wedding – Last June was a dream wedding come true. The weather was good. The ceremony was very solemn. Budget-perfect. Well-attended by people close to our hearts.
9. Kat and Diamante Event Organizers – Our wedding planner
10. Jun’s Studios – I was able to relive our wedding because of their wonderful shots – at a cheaper cost.
11. Ka Libring  – We had a last-minute problem with barongs a few days before our wedding. She solved my problem by making us rent her barongs with short notice, and at a cheaper price too.
12. Wedding gifts – Blessings indeed.
13. Friendships in Riyadh– I resigned from my work last May and I was saddened to leave a lot of  friends there. My older colleagues there are now my ninangs.
14. Jhun – My best buddy in Riyadh. I will always treasure his friendship.
15. Ma’am O – My second mother.
16. My barkada – Jing, Antot, Rymcon, Leizl and Meng. Through good times, and bad times. I enjoyed going out with them this year, than before, when my gimiks with them were done hurriedly because I was just on a short vacation.
17. Newly-found friends from my wife’s side – My wife’s friends are now my friends too. They are all so nice to me.
18. My Celfone – Ah, man’s greatest invention.
19. My laptop – My next best buddy. How can I live without you ?J
20. The Internet – Now the world is revolving in my hands.
21. My DSL connection – My key to the internet world. Faster.
22. My Mp3 songs – My world is colored by music.
23. Friendster – The network made me gain more friends this year.
24. Digital Catharsis – I never knew that I will discover this gift of writing through blogging.
25. My blog readers – My inspiration to write more.
26. Fellow bloggers – I also get inspiration from these people who are so deep themselves.
27. Our Antipolo house – My new home. Our love nest.
28. IKEA – My inspiration in interior design.
29. Woodrow Hills – Our subdivision. The peaceful atmosphere of the village is relaxing. The neighbors are friendly.
30. Shopwise – The nearest mall in our place.
31. SM Megamall – My new tambayan.
32. Television – I rediscovered television, since I came back from SA.
33. The Digital Pinoy website – I get most of my OPM mp3s here.
34. Dr. Yanga’s Colleges, Inc – My alma mater. I am now hired here as a Clinical Instructor.
35. San Pascual De Baylon Maternity and General Hospital – This is the first hospital where I got my first batch of nursing students.
36. B.A. Hospital – This is where I am teaching now.
37. Dr. Yanga’s Hospital – The second hospital where I also teach.
38. Friendly hospital nurses – I would not have survived teaching in a hospital setting without the assistance of staff nurses in the hospitals I mentioned earlier.  

39. My nursing students – You make me proud. Show them what you are made of.  

40. Sacred Heart Hospital – This is where my wife gets her prenatal check ups
41. Aerogym – I restarted my work outs here. Great taebo instructors.
42. My Blue Caterpillar shoes – Very dependable, doesn’t go out of style. It’s just the shoe laces that always comes off…
43. My Adidas knapsack – Always behind me.
44. My Penshoppe bag – So stylish.
45. My Silverworks necklace – A gift from my wife.
46. My perfect health – I never got any major illness this year. Thank God.
47. My family and friends’ good health – Thank God.
48. Christmas 2007 – My first Christmas in the Philippines, and with my loved ones, in several years.
49. A better outlook to the future – I think it is a blessing to be able to have a positive outlook to the years to come. I have never been so excited about a coming year. I guess it is because of the changes that are happening in my life which all started this year.
50. My wife’s healthy pregnancy – I am so worried at times, but I know God keeps eyeing on my mag-ina.
51. Finally, Inigo – One of the best 2007 blessings ever. I am so excited to meet my child.

 

I am sure I can add some more in this list. I can go on and on. These are just some I can think of right now. There are other things worth mentioning, but I suppose this list will not stop if I continue going on and on. I actually just planned to reach up to #50, but then I can’t help but add one more

 

Let me also mention that some blessings listed were there all the time, meaning, they did not appear in my life only in 2007. But my coming back and staying in the Philippines made me realize their worth more. Experiencing life with your loved ones is simply one of the best ways to live in this world. Staying in the country for a while is one of the best decisions I have made in my life.

 

Like other people in this planet, I also had my shares of some not so good events this year, but I think I should just forget all about it. They are not worth mentioning. What is important is that the good stuff outweighed the bad stuff this year. But hey, I think misfortunes are blessings, too. It is from them where you learn new lessons of life.

 

A few more days till 2007 finishes. The year has been very good to me. I could not ask for more. I just wish that next year will be as good, if not better.

 

Have you counted your blessings, too?

 

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, everyone!

A Letter to My Baby

 Dear Inigo,

Yes, I called you Inigo. I know we are still uncertain as to what you will be – a boy or a girl – but we decided to give you that name provisionally, until tests confirm of your sex. I did not give you that name because I wanted you to be a boy. I just want to call you by a name, that’s all. If you become a girl, it wouldn’t matter. My love will be the same. I love you unconditionally and undoubtedly.

Welcome, my child, into this world. I am your father. You may not see me yet, but I know you can hear me, not my voice, but my feelings from within. I may not see you yet too, but I can feel your presence in my heart.

From the day I realized of your existence, I knew I found true happiness. Everyday that you were growing inside your mommy’s tummy, my emotions are growing as well. My love for you filled my heart as well as some worries of how I could possibly give you everything in this world and keep you safe from any harm.

I can’t believe that even as I sit here writing this letter, a child of mine is growing, getting bigger and bigger, stretching his little arms and legs and doing everything he can do to get himself ready for the world. I am so anxious to meet you, Inigo, and get to introduce you to your family.

Your mommy is so excited, that her eyes light up whenever we talk about you. Who will you look like? Will you have my dimples, or will you inherit your mom’s long limbs? Will you be as smart as mommy or will you work as fast as daddy? Ah, so many questions! And we will just wonder until you come here with us.

As I feel the excitement and joy, I am also scared while being overwhelmed by all the new responsibilities that lay ahead. I know that I should take good care of your mom while you are still inside of her. When you come out, I will be taking care of the two of you, and your brothers or sisters when they come out next. I just wonder if I can be a good father to you, and if I could be able to provide for all your needs. I wonder if I can always be available if you need somebody to talk to. I wonder if I can be the ideal father you want me to be.

There was a time in my life when I had wants and desires. Now that you are here, my prayers, dreams and hopes are for your happiness and health. I want to protect you from every hurt, pain and disappointment in your life, although I know that would not be possible, or even helpful to you. But as long as I live, you will have me as a friend, well-wisher, nurturer, guide and guardian. I will be your father. I may not be a perfect father for it is something I haven’t done before and it is something I cannot rehearse, but I can try to be the best that I can be. I will not ask anything in return, except for your respect to me and to your mother as your parents.

To be honest, I worry so much about you right now, that you will not be able to get all the things you need to grow, that something is going to happen and we might lose you. I was talking to my friend the other day and I was talking about you and how I couldn’t wait for you to be born so that I could stop worrying about you. Then a thought struck me: I will always worry about you. – when you are 5 and headed out the door to your first day of school, when you’re 16 going on your first date or when you’re 26 and you have children of your own. I guess that’s a parent’s destiny in life, to worry about his or her children.

I have always said that I would not be one of those silly parents who sneak into their children’s bedrooms and stare at the tiny rise and fall of their chests just to make sure that they are still breathing. Now I confess I will always sneak into your room to stare at you. I guess parents don’t do it just to get the reassurance that their children are still alive; they do it so that they can be reassured that this miracle is still there, that they were not dreaming at all.

Do you know that you make me so proud? I could not believe that God has blessed me with a precious gift, a treasure. At times, I have felt unworthy of such a great task as nurturing a life. But I knew, He gave me you because He knows that I can take care of you.

One thing I should tell you, my precious baby, is that life is going to be hard. The world is not perfect and you will have your shares of bad times, too. But you can be sure of one thing: no matter how hard life is, I will love you. There is nothing in my eyes that you can do that will make me not love you. I may not be perfect, as I may stumble at times and I may even fall. But none of us knows everything, sweetheart, but I will do my best to teach you what I know and help you to learn what I don’t. No matter what your dreams are or how high you choose to reach, I will stand beside you.

I make you a promise now, before I even see your eyes or your tiny smile: You can be who you choose to be. I will never try to change you to suit my mold. I will always respect your independence and sense of self. Even if it hurts me to standby, and let you make your own decisions, good or bad, I will do it with only gentle words and kind persuasions. I may raise my voice in anger at times, but know that I do it because I love you and I want nothing but the best for you. I love you, Inigo, and when you are older and think that I do not understand you or know who you are, understand that I do. I know everything about you. I know every part of you, because I am part of your creation. From love you were conceived and in love you will grow.

For the meantime, promise me to hang on securely inside mommy’s tummy until you are big enough to come out and meet us. Try to make yourself as healthy as possible. I will be waiting here in the outside world. Mom and dad love you so much. See you soon.

Love,

Dad