Undas: A Celebration of Lives

I wanted to post something about commemorating our loved ones who are already gone in this world, in view of All Saints/Souls Day on November 1st. I have not thought what to write until I caught yesterday’s episode of Wish Ko Lang, and was touched by the feature on Carlo Cruz, a widower at an early age after his wife died from the Glorietta blast recently.

His story was not at all different from stories of people who lost their loved ones from tragic accidents. But what made it different (at least, for me) was when he posted an email sent to his egroup appealing for everyone to cherish their loved ones while they are still here. I wished then that somebody would send me a copy of the post.

Minutes later, I was found checking my yahoo account, and alas! a friend of mine sent me a copy of the letter the previous day. Let me share to you Carlo Cruz’ letter story…

Good day everyone,

I wish I were writing under different circumstances.

I would like to inform you that my wife Leslie Cruz was part of the casualties in the Glorietta 2 Mall bombing in Makati City, Philippines. She was supposed to have a minor out patient surgery at Makati Medical Center at 230pm.

I had taken a leave from work to accompany her there. We dropped off our daughter, Amber, at my parents place in QC to babysit at around 10am. We then proceeded to Makati and was there at 1230pm. Since she had been fasting in preparation for her procedure, she wanted to move around and listen to some music while I grabbed a bite to eat. We parked at the basement of Park Square 2, and headed for the Glorietta 2 entrance. We parted at the top of the escalator, she turned right towards Filbar’s while I went left towards the restaurants. That was the last time I would see her.

Around 120pm, she had called me so that we can meet at the Glorietta 2 exit just in itme to make her appointment. As I made my way there from Glorietta 1 through the connecting hallways, and was about to turn the corner, I heard 2 deep thumps and the shock-wave from the blast hit me. At that moment my heart dropped as I knew that the origin of the blast came from the same place where we were supposed to meet. I tried getting to where my wife was, but the dust was too much and it was as if I was staring at a white wall.

I still tried to convince myself that she was able to make it out, and that after ringing her mobile without a response only meant that she dropped it in the confusion. After 6 hours of searching from Makati Med to Ospital ng Makati, the blast site, and back again toi MMC – with the help of all the people I could get hold of, that I was able to get confirmation in what the state of my wife was.

My Dad and Uncle signaled me in from the ER of MMC. My uncle (who’s a doctor) asked me to describe Leslie’s appearance to another group of doctors. I saw in the eyes of one that the description made sense. Instead of confirming it to me, they huddled together, then brought me to a small examination room. It was only through a digital camera that I was able to confirm (and deny) that she was indeed gone.

I have so many regrets. I should have met her sooner. I should have ran instead of a brisk walk. I should have not chose to park where I did. I should have braved the dust and went in the blast site. I should have…

Today’s the 4th day. It is terribly difficult to breathe, let alone wake up realizing that your source of strength, your bestfriend doesn’t lie beside you on your bed. That my deepest worry is when Amber starts asking for her Mama.

I am glad that Amber’s too young to understand the loss and pain. In time I would lilke to tell her the details of how her mother died, but more importantly, I would like to raise her as how her mother lived – a loving person, strong-willed, decisive, caring, and nurturing. She has always cared for her family and friends, and sacrificed her career for being a full-time mom and home maker.

As with all couples we had our ups and downs – none of which I regret not going through. The sweet is never as sweet without the sour. For almost 4 years of marriage, we’ve finally hit our balance in life only to be taken away in an instant. I have no regrets about our marriage. She has loved me and Amber beyond her capacity. I will always love her.

It is my first time to write to egroup as I’ve lurked and watched emails being sent to and fro. All I want now is that for each of the couples here is to cherish each moment that we spend with our loved ones. Pretty simple to say, very easy to take for granted.

Thank you for all the prayers. I would still like to ask you to please include Leslie in them until her 40th day so tha the path to God’s kingdom is well lit and she is no longer in the dark.

Sincerely,

Carlo Cruz

On November 1, most of us will go to the cemeteries to visit our loved ones who have left us. Candles, flowers, and most importantly, prayers will be offered. Some will even bring food (especially our Chinese friends).

While we are there, let us reminisce the times when our loved one was still alive, when he or she was still around. Let us celebrate the life that was. And most of all, honor the contributions his life made to yours. Lastly, we should remember that as we commemorate those who have departed, we should appreciate the presence of those who are still with us, while they are still here. Like Carlo Cruz, we do not want to say “I should have done this or that” after our loved ones have left. Let us do today what we can do today to show how much we appreciate the people around us – our parents, our spouse, our children, our brothers and sisters, the people in our community, our friends – people who, in one way or another, contributed to making our own lives happy and comfortable, people who are continuously touching our lives. Let us give our honor and thanks before it is too late.

Allow me to thank Carlo Cruz. You made your wife’s untimely death an inspiration to many. It seems as if she did not die at all.

It’s Christmas Time!

This is our Christmas tree in the picture! My wife and I set up our tree as early as the first week of September. We are not that excited, eh?! And our favorite color does not reflect here, huh? It is an old tree with new bling-blings, mostly from Megamall. The perfect star is from Mall of Asia, a product of malling a day before the Glorietta Mall blast, hehe.

 

And who’s not going to be thrilled about the approaching season? This is my first Christmas in the Philippines in five years. My second in seven years. My first with my lovely wife. I know that this time, Christmas will be different for me.

 

I missed celebrating Christmas here in our country. The festivity here is one of the best in the world. It is a family (and friends) event. I remember as I child how I go around house-to-house greeting everybody a merry Christmas.

 

Where I stayed for seven years, the season was just an ordinary winter season. There was no sign of an approaching Christmas day, except for a few dinner and party invitations in some houses. No flickering lights, no lanterns, no carols. Christmas was not allowed to be celebrated in the open.  I attended five small Christmas parties last year, most of them held very privately in the host’s flats. Christmas day itself was usually an ordinary working day for everybody, except for some “Merry Christmas” greetings from my Christian colleagues.

 

I feel for those who are away from their families this Christmas season. I also feel for those who lost their loved ones this year, celebrating the season without them for the first time. I feel for those who are not usually happy during this time because of their own personal reasons.

 

Whether you are celebrating Christmas with somebody or alone, whether you are excited with the approaching season or not, let us remember that this is the best time to share yourself to everybody. Forget all your worries (for the meantime, at least) and give time to families and friends. One of them may not be around next Christmas for all we know (uh, morbid!). Cherish this time of joy. It’s the birthday of our Savior, Jesus Christ!!

 

Have a happy Christmas, everyone! Cheers!

my technorati profile

found this site on the net that would advertise your blog in the worldwide web. i was instructed to post this code below so that there’s a connection between technorati and my blog. so don’t mind this post! it’s just for me and my ambition to rule the world! Hehe!!

<a href=”http://technorati.com/claim/zvw5xheer5” rel=”me”>Technorati Profile</a>

Condemn Glorietta Bombers

The death toll has reached 11 now, after another victim died recently in a Makati hospital. More than a hundred were injured. These are the casualties of the recent Glorietta Mall blast last Friday afternoon.

Included in the list of fatalities is a nursing student from RTRMS Makati Medical Center named Janine Marcos. A dream to become a nurse – to be able to care for others – ended in a pointless way. The others who passed away must have their own dreams, too, for themselves and for their families, and are all gone now in an instant.

While the authorities are still investigating on the real cause of the incident, I can not help but think that this could be another terrorist attack to innocent civilians. Most of the time, the people behind such acts harm people who are not even connected with whatever their pleas are. They direct their anger and revenge to innocent people, who are just trying to make a living in a decent way. They only prey on people whom they know they can pick on, because the people they are infuriated with are difficult to face. These bombers are cowards then.

Let us condemn this act of terrorism, destabilization and unreasonable attack against innocent lives. Nothing can bring back the lives of those who perished. I just wish that justice be served the soonest possible time.

Let us also pray for the soul, and for the families of those who died and were injured.

Have a safe week ahead.

Euthanasia and Nursing

When I was still in the neurosurgery unit, I had a Bangladeshi patient who had a history of being hit as a pedestrian by a speeding car. He was apparently on his way to his second job as a car wash boy. I later found out from his friends that his stay in the country was illegal and he has no legal papers about his entry.

 

Ahmed (not his real name) suffered a severe head injury and some multiple fractures all over his body. He had a skull fracture, brain hematomas and his Glasgow scale dropped to 3 out of 15. He was intubated and was attached to a respirator. He was paralyzed from the neck down. No relatives were available since he was an expatriate with an illegal entry to the country. Only his co-workers visited him once in a while, but none were always available. He was basically left alone most of the time, under the care of the nurses.

 

By some miraculous interventions, Ahmed recovered from an acute stage. He was weaned from a respirator and he was shifted to a tracheostomy collar for breathing. A big portion of his skull was removed though, so his brain was left open with only the scalp covering it. He had a nasogastric tube for his nutrition, which was later changed to a percutaneous endoscopic gastrostomy (a tube directly connected to the stomach). His multiple fractures healed but he had some contractures. He was still a vegetable though – unable to move, unable to eat, unable to talk. His breathing was supported by a tracheostomy through a hole in his neck.

 

The doctors decided to put him on a “No Code” status. This meant that if the patient goes into a cardio-pulmonary arrest, he would not be resuscitated anymore and that reviving measures would be very conservative.

 

The patient did not recover further. He was supposed to go to jail if he recovers, but his health condition did not permit him to go out of the hospital. He maintained a stable vegetative status although there were times he almost coded due to instances of tube blocks, increased secretions, and aspiration problems. But because of the excellent nursing care Ahmed was receiving, he continued to live. He was always fed on time. His medications were always provided. He was given bath daily, sometimes even twice a day. He was always turned from side to side. His basic nursing needs were always met.

 

Taking care of Ahmed, I sometimes thought of the kind of life he was having in the unit. Although my co-nurses would always talk about how pampered he was in the ward, being provided with excellent services for free, I still feel how miserable to be in his situation. His face was badly scarred, and he had no skull on the top of his head. He will not be able to walk anymore. And I imagined how his family back home was suffering. How they always thought about how he was doing, what his status could be.

 

I sometimes felt that as nurses, although we were able to keep him alive, we could also be prolonging his agony. I knew that he would never get a quality life anymore. Because he was unable to talk, we could not assess the amount of pain he was receiving every time we had to give him his daily injections, every time his NGT needs to be reinserted, every time we need to move him in and out of his bed. What about the pain he had every time he needs to be reintubated? Or could he still feel the pain? Is his thought processes still working?

 

The most terrible pain he could be suffering must be the pain of loneliness, of being alone in that place, of missing his family back home. I would always see some tears roll down from his eyes. Could he be begging for us medical professionals to stop prolonging his suffering and just to let him go in peace? That was always the million-dollar question.

 

The issue on euthanasia is still a controversial topic up to this day. Most hospitals practice it especially if the family members are available. The decision is given to them after the doctors have informed them about the patient’s irreversible condition, and that only the supportive devices are maintaining his life. The family’s decision would sometimes base on how they perceive the situation was – whether continuous medical measures would just prolong the amount of pain and agony of their loved one, and whether they could still support the amount of expenses the situation is causing them.

 

I realized that although as nurses, we don’t have a direct influence on a decision for euthanasia, we are greatly involved in providing the care the patient needs for him to be able to live longer. This means that whether we like it or not, we are the ones who keep them here in this world. And yeah, whether that is a good idea is still a debate.

 

Ahmed still continued to live until I resigned from that hospital. Whether he died later or not, I still believe that the extended life given to him was not as useless as other people would think it was. By just lying on his hospital bed, he touched so many lives, including mine, making us realize how lucky we are to still be able to communicate with our loved ones, to be able to eat whatever we want, to be able to sing and dance under the sun, and to be able to dream our ambitions. We had a greater appreciation for the blessings that we receive each day.

 

I loved my life all the more, and I started to enjoy even the tiniest source of happiness. I think, Ahmed’s extended life served a very noble purpose.